It’s Go Time!

Taking a break helps you to understand yourself better.

With so much going on in my life it has been very difficult to map out everything that I need to get done. I write down and put a time frame on my plans so that I will execute those things in a timely manner. I got a great time table tip from my girlfriend Crystal who is the curator for www.hernameiscrystal.com. She said she gives her self 90 days for each task so that she will be sure to execute and complete the tasks. I think that is an absolutely fantastic way to set the wheels in motion because if you give yourself a deadline, you don’t want to go back on your word to yourself. For me, it has been a challenge as I stated in my last blog post to get things done to get out of my own way because I am going through so much with my health and in other areas of my life. So, just to give you a little update on me, I’ve decided that I’m going back to school to continue my studies and get my graduate degree. I took quite a bit of time off when my dad got sick and passed away from stage four lung cancer, but I know that he would not want me to be stagnant in my future goals, my blog and anything that I’m passionate about. So in an effort to continue his legacy and be the best example for my son, I am hitting the restart button on EVERYTHING. I hope that you’ll all continue with me on my journey, as I’m also in the process of writing a book. I won’t go into detail just yet, but just know it’s going to be good!

Thanks so much for stopping by and taking a moment to read my blog! It means the world to me.

Have a fabulous weekend!

I love you, I mean it! ~ Kimsue 💙

Photos by Rosemarie Moore for M3 PhotographyNJ

Top : Zara || Shorts: Zara || Shoes: Schutz Shoes (sold out)

Unicorn Dick

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Let me take you on a trip down memory lane. 

January 2017, I was relaxing at home scrolling through my Instagram explore page. I came across a picture of two bearded men. One in particular caught my eye. I wasn’t trying to “shoot my shot” but I’ve always been one to compliment people if I saw fit to do so. I don’t usually go into men’s DMs and say anything. I just admire from afar. I mustered up the courage to send this beautiful, bearded and very well put together man a message and tell him what I thought of him. He replied, in kind and complimented me as well. From that moment on, we continued to chat via DM. This went on for seven months before we actually met in person. One day he posted a picture on his page and in his caption, he mentioned something about being sick. Instead of hopping in the comments like the rest of his fan club, I sent him a message and asked him if he needed anything to aide in his getting better. He did but he wasn’t going to be home, so I advised that I would bring him some fruit or whatever he needed when his schedule permitted. A few weeks later, I posted a photo of myself and he commented “no fruit?” I replied stating,  I got wrapped up running errands, but as soon as I have another day off I would bring it to him. I’m a woman of my word so I will definitely keep it. He said OK and thank you. 

Fast forward to a few weeks later; August 15, 2017, my favorite uncle passed away and I was heading down to South Jersey to see my family two days after.  I sent him a direct message and asked him if he was home because I had a little bit of fruit for him. Instead of hopping right on the road to South Jersey, I figured I would first go north to see him and bring him the fruit that I had promised. He said yes and proceeded to send me his address. I arrive and he seemed pleasantly surprised that I looked the same as I did in my pictures, even better according to him, lol! We stood outside and talked for about an hour. We seemed to have clicked and I wondered if it would go anywhere, but I wasn’t really trying to get involved because I was recovering from something personal back during the time I had sent him the message. He said that as a thank you he had to take me to dinner or something. I’m not one to do things for people for something in return so I said, you don’t owe me anything. It was my pleasure to be of assistance where I could be. I thought he was a very nice and interesting man. Very alluring. Mind you, we still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but that changed after our meeting. He said to me “you’re very seductive, I wasn’t ready.” It’s really just my natural personality and he said that’s what made it so dangerous. 

Weeks passed and we continue to keep in touch. Exchanging pictures and sharing things with one another, We were supposed to get together on a Thursday,  but his vehicle had been towed the evening before so he had to go to NY to get it. We never got to hang that day. Because I was interested in him and I thought he was in me, I said I would have been happy to take him to get his car. I was winding down for the evening, but I really wanted to see him and be in his presence for a little while. I got up and went to get him and we proceeded to the city. We talked about a bunch of stuff along the way and we got to know a little more about one another. We got his car and he proceeded to go where he needed to and I went home. He texted me and said “thank you so much baby, I owe you.”  I replied, you don’t owe me anything just be good to me and he said OK. Little did I know being good to me was only dicking me down on a regular basis. Nothing remotely close to what I actually meant with that statement.  

Our first intimate encounter was more than I’d bargained for. I cried! Yes dammit! I fucking cried because that man made fucking love to me! I felt a tear drop out of my left eye! You don’t put Unicorn Dick on someone that you don’t want in your life! You are setting me up for all kinds of emotional turmoil that I just don’t need! It was the best sex I’d ever had and I wanted to feel that way forever, with him. He was now in my top 5, LOL! I felt like I was falling for him even before the dick , but now, I’m dumbfounded and can’t think like a logical human. He could do all kinds of shit and I’d make excuses for it. I didn’t care. I fell and really fucking hard!  He’s not romantic with me, not much of a cuddler. He didn’t take me anywhere. Not even the dinner that he’d said he would take me to. Yeah, I remained hidden. I was essentially just who he was fucking. Still, I cared about him and as time progressed I cared for him even more. Not for the sex, but who he was as a person. He’s caring and protective and loves his family deeply we had a lot of conversations about different things and I loved that he is so intelligent. Some of the qualities that I like in a man, but he didn’t make me feel special outside of sucking my soul dry sexually. He didn’t buy me things or invite me to anything that he was doing. I am not the woman who requires material things, or to be at every family function, but small gestures surely would have sufficed. I just wanted to be made a priority in his life and that wasn’t happening. 

Now, we’re approaching my birthday. October 4th came and I didn’t want to do anything spectacular, but I knew that I wanted to spend time with him. Especially because he was leaving on a trip a few days after my birthday. I had to work so after I got off we went to the movies. I ended up paying for the outing. Yes, I paid. I can’t call it a date because he doesn’t go on dates. I was a bit sad that I had to pay on MY birthday but I let it go. I knew the reason was because he didn’t want to really spend due to his trip, so I didn’t make a big deal about it, but if someone can’t muster up a few bucks to treat you on your special day, then you are essentially shit to that person. I was heartbroken, but I didn’t let him see that. There are a ton of things that could have been done that did not require spending money. I don’t need monetary gifts. I’m more about the thought that goes into it all. I went home after and cried to my big sister because I felt stupid and tears were all I had. Now I’m a few months in and I’m seeing no reciprocity so this is the time that I should exit right? Wrong! I stayed around because he gave me a feeling that I’d been missing. He was attentive when I was with him and he put it down like no other man I’d ever been with. This is why I call him unicorn dick! Had my mind all scrambled like fucking eggs. December 21st. I went to see him with this, I am woman hear me roar attitude. I wanted to have a civilized conversation with him about how I was feeling and what I expected going forward so I asked him the question that you should never ask any fucking man…what are we doing?  I know we’re not in a relationship, but I wanted to know what we were doing because I felt as though I was the only one interested at this point and if I am, then I need to figure out how I need to move forward. He told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship and maybe he was jaded because of his past relationship with someone.  I won’t get into that because that’s not my personal business to talk about. I let him know how I was feeling…everything that I was feeling about my birthday and all of that other stuff and he just sat there. Stoic. Like nothing I’ve said even moved him. He seemed emotionless and here I am looking stupid once again. He didn’t know that I had been pining away over his lackluster treatment of me. How could he? Up until now I didn’t say anything. He told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship and 2018 is approaching and he’s trying to get certain things in order and so forth and so on. We all are gearing up to do things with the coming new year. No one I know is stagnant and making excuses. If you don’t want to be with me, just say that.  I can process the truth. It will hurt, but I’m a woman who wants to know, needs to know what’s happening. He would never admit that we were just fucking. So in an effort not to cry about the situation in front of him because I didn’t want him to think I was some kind a weak psycho bitch who’s all emotional; I leaned back to keep the tears from flowing.  I thought that I was going to get up and get out of there with my dignity intact and the next thing I knew, MY PANTS WERE DOWN AND HE WAS PERFORMING CUNNILINGUS ON ME! Obviously we proceeded to have sex. I’m feeling all stupid and weak but it felt so good that I just couldn’t tell him to stop. He had that kind of effect on me. He was a master at what he did both orally and when he penetrated. He had unicorn dick. It was MAGICAL and had me on a level of stupid that I had never been on before. I got up and got myself together and I got the hell up out of there.  I cried all the way home because I felt like the weakest link. How could I have gone over to this man’s house, tell him how I felt and then still allow him to do the very thing that he’s been doing? Fucking me senseless. Still, I continue to see him. January. February. March. April. 

All these months pass by, but the thing that bothered me the most was Valentine’s Day.  He dropped the ball on my birthday, so I figured he would do something to make up for that. Nope! At the very least he could have gotten me some flowers or candy. You don’t have to celebrate the day, but knowing that the person you are sleeping with loves little things like that, it would have been nice. Obviously, I wasn’t worthy of a flower, a card, a teddy bear, box of chocolates, nothing. 

Someone got flowers ON Valentines day, it just wasn’t me.  One day he called and said he needed a “tune up” and like a dick whipped dummy, I came running. Something in my spirit was uneasy so, I asked him was he seeing anyone else he said ‘define seeing’ I said,  please don’t insult my intelligence.  He said, and I quote “I’m not committed to anyone.” Now mind you I got up out of my bed, came over to give him pleasure because he had asked. I had no problem accommodating him because I care for him very much, but the same care was never extended to me; not in the way that I had hoped it would be. If we measure care by sex then YES he cared for me deeply. So I did what I did and I got myself together and I went home. Once again, I cried all the way back. 

Now let’s move on. March, I got sick with the flu and I also had some issues with my diabetes, so I was home for most of the month. He never asked if I needed him to bring me anything. He just told me what I should do. According to him, that’s pretty much the same thing. His birthday came and I got him a gift because I love this man. I didn’t make a stink about the fact that I got two balloons, a card and unicorn dick for mine. I am big on birthdays. It’s your personal holiday and I treat people I love well.

Now here we are in the beginning of May. The last sexual encounter we had was May 3rd. It was mind blowing as usual and I, the dick whipped dummy was slowly coming to terms with the fact that this man does not want me the same way that I want him, so I need to move on. I am tired of giving myself to this undeserving man and at some point I have to man up and get the hell on. He sent me a message asking if my sister had seen the Avengers movie.  He was going and I said wow without me. He’s like, he would not go with me to see a Marvel movie or anyone for that matter. I said ok, enjoy your movie. We had a whole text conversation about it and then SIX minutes after that he posted something on Instagram about alone time and no dates. I felt as if it was a dig at me because we literally just had this conversation and now you’re posting it. So someone in the comments said she would have been his date and he replied, I don’t go on dates, they’re useless. At that moment I knew I had to remove myself. All the kindness and care I showed him and he didn’t think for one moment how that would have made me feel? I was as stupid as the day is long. I didn’t deserve the mediocre treatment I was getting. I stuck around for nine months hoping it would have changed and it never did. How could I have been so stupid for so long? I had to stop cold turkey. I needed to remove myself. As much as I want him, it’s just not going to happen. I had to move on. I was taught not to accept mediocrity from any man and here I am, accepting it like I don’t know my value and worth. I do, but I act as if I don’t sometimes.

Fast forward: I met someone new and very nice. A perfect gentleman. While I’m not looking to be involved with anyone at this time.  I entertained the opportunity to make a new friend. We went on a few dates, but something didn’t quite click and so, we are just going to remain acquaintences. We are still cordial and if I see him, it’s pleasant. He seems to be troubled by things that are beyond my comprehension. I don’t have any ill feelings toward him, as he is an absolutely wonderful man. He gave me what I needed in that moment. I needed to let go of someone that had absolutely NO interest in being anything but my sexual partner and to see that there are still men that value women in a way that men from my dads era did. Also, to see that men still think courting and dates are necessary, not useless. I guess once you’re having sex, there’s really nothing to work towards, as you’ve already gotten the prize. What I’ve learned in the last few dealings that I’ve had with men is to acknowledge the red flags and move accordingly. We all have our flaws and hangups, but we can’t just attribute it to “that’s just how I am.” We also can’t make people suffer for things a past love did to us. We are not that person and should never be so jaded that we miss a blessing that is a companion who wants nothing more than to love us and build with us. There are things that we must recognize in ourselves and correct in order to have healthy and lasting relationships, whether romantic or platonic. I have my flaws, believe me and I don’t walk around like I’m perfect, because I am not. What I am is genuine, loving, attentive, thoughtful, and a host of other things. I will always be. It is not my time for love with another. I’m just going to continue loving and nurturing myself until God sees fit to bless me with a King of my own. Great things take time and you must have patience. The man that believes that the sun rises and sets with me is praying and waiting for me.

If you take nothing else away from this post, take the lesson I’ve displayed about extending yourself too much to undeserving people. It doesn’t make them bad people, but they’re bad for YOU.

I know this is a long post, but thank you for taking the time to read. 

I love you; I mean it! 

Kimsue 💋

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Photos by Rosemarie Moore

Dress || Shoes

Entry 063: Stripes & Florals

You are allowed to rest, but don’t dare give up! – Unknown

Hello everyone! I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here, but I am happy to be back and getting on track with what I love! Fashion and taking pictures! As you can see, I’ve recently gone completely BALD! I absolutely love it and I feel so free!  I’ve been away for a bit, as I have been going through a lot with my health. As you know I’m a diabetic, but it’s improving with the help of proper diet, exercise and great support. Sometimes, when your heart isn’t in something, you should put it down for a while, regroup and come back better than you left. Never be in a rush to produce something that is not going to be your very best. My life revolves around presentation and I don’t put out content that I will not be proud of and that you won’t find value in. I hope that you will continue to take this journey with me! Have a great September and I will see you all here next week!

XOXO Kimsue

Photos by Rosemarie Moore

Striped blouse || White Skinny Jeans (Similar) || Floral Pumps (Sold Out) || Chain Link Bag

Entry 060: Getting To Your Destination 

    Even a snail will eventually reach its destination.

In life, there are always going to be obstacles and things that set you back from reaching goals you’ve set for yourself. No one is exempt. In my forty years of life and twenty being an adult, I’ve had many, but when I set a goal; I see it through to the end. I was out of work for quite some time, but no one knew unless you were close to me. I kept myself together, mentally, physically and spiritually. I continued to do the things I needed to do and looked for work. I was given a few opportunities to do some things to get my name out there and I blogged more and more. It’s a slow process, but I’m moving in the right direction. I kept going, not just for myself, but for my son. Our children and people we don’t even know are looking to us for inspiration. You can’t let minor setbacks keep you from getting to the finish line. Everything happens in the time it is meant to, so don’t fret when something doesn’t happen on your specific timeline. God’s timing is the absolute best, so wait on him, but keep pushing because you will absolutely get to the place in which you wish to go.
Whatever you want from life, whatever destination you wish to reach; P. U. S. H.,  move in silence and let those accomplishments speak for you!

Thank you for stopping by! I love you, I mean it! Kimsue ❤️

 




 Photos by: Rosemarie Moore

Off the shoulder top || Denim Shorts || Sandals || Clutch: Berry (Sold Out)

Entry 049: White Linen & Denim Shorts

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Photos by Rosemarie Moore

Denim Shorts || Linen Dress (Similar Here) || Coral Wedges ( Old, Similar Here)

No matter what you do in the summer, you will never really be able to cool down! It’s HOT, but I am not complaining. I long for hot summer days and dressing in comfortable clothing. This isn’t exactly the best weather to wear makeup, but I managed to capture my shots before the foundation dripped off my face. I’m wearing some old pieces paired with shorts that I purchased from H&M recently. I have so many things that I haven’t worn, so I am trying to get those things worn before this summer ends! I hope you all have a fabulous day and manage to beat the heat!

Until Next Time!

XOXO Kimsue

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Entry 048: Romping In The Sweltering Heat…Effortlessly!

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Photos by Rosemarie Moore

Striped Romper || Peep Toe Pumps || Kate Spade Clutch || Bracelets (Old Similar Here Here)

“Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes.” They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.”– Clare Boothe Luce

Being a woman is not easy, but it is beautiful! We go through so many changes, that it sometimes scares us. We take on life’s challenges with grace, elegance and style and we do it effortlessly! We are fighting battles that you would never be able to comprehend! I, like many women have gone through and will go through many things, but I thank God that I do not look like what I have been through. 

Now, onto my look! I love that I can be so versatile with my style from hair to clothing! For the past two months, I’ve been sporting a wig, as I am trying to allow my hair to grow without manipulating it. I got the urge to color my hair, so I went to my nearest Walgreen’s and purchased some Dark and Lovely hair color. I love to be different and change up every now and then. There is nothing mundane about me, my look or my personality. I truly do my best to have a good time and make the best out of every life situation and today was no different.

It was an extremely hot day today and although, you cannot tell I was hot; I was literally melting! I was having the time of my life while shooting. I was stopping traffic and it was quite embarrassing, lol! I’m just a woman out here doing what I love to do and trying to make it look easy! I hope you enjoyed today’s post!

XOXO Kimsue

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Basking in the sun!

Entry 047: Reflecting On Relationships

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Photos by Collis Torrington

Maxi Dress || Peep Toe Pumps (Old/Similar Here) || Aldo Accessories (Old, Similar Here Here) Emerald Ring

So, this past weekend, I had the pleasure of shooting with a fellow blogger and fly guy George Myrie and chatted about relationships. It got me to thinking about my own relationships, or lack thereof. 

More often than not, we (women) don’t want to ask ourselves questions about our shortcomings when it comes to relationships because we’re afraid of the answer. It’s important to self-reflect and take a long hard look at what’s happening in our lives to figure out how to correct the wrongs. I’ve constantly struggled with the question. Why are my intimate relationships so unsuccessful? After years of searching and getting kicked in the face by love, I found my answer.

It’s ME. I have a fear of ending up a lonely spinster, so I give a lot of myself too soon; thinking that they will go elsewhere if not given all they desire. I want to show my mate that I’m willing to do my part to make him happy that I’m losing myself in the process. As women, we are so happy to be with someone that we miss a lot of the warning signs or in my case, I ignore them. I recently had an incident that left me wondering what I’m doing wrong. It’s not that I’m doing anything wrong; I am simply giving too much too soon. I don’t make the man of interest work tirelessly or jump through rings of fire for my love because I give of myself so freely when I’m involved. I’m a woman who is extremely passionate about love, building relationships, quality time and all those things that make a relationship successful.  I’ve always made myself accessible, but I’m learning that I need to be a little less available so I can take the time to smoke a brother over and see if he’s really here for me or my “sweetness.” 

The bottom line for me is…Slow down! If recent events have taught me nothing else, it taught me that the other party involved may not be as interested and/or invested as I am or hasn’t reached the level of maturity to deal with a woman like me. So, I take my time, allow myself to be courted and allow the relationship to progress organically and if they’re too eager to taste my sweetness; they’re probably only there for that in the first place. 

Thanks for stopping by!

Kimsue

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Entry 043: Lady In Red…

  

Jumpsuit || Clutch || Shoes (Old) 

Hey dolls!

I’ve been gone for a minute, but I’m back and have a whole lot to share with you. I have been focusing on so many other things, that I let my blog take a backseat. Well, I’m here and ready to share all of my looks and experiences with you. I want to focus on both storytelling and fashion, so I decided to incorporate my everyday life into this blog. I hope you are ready for what I have in store for you!

A little about what I’m wearing in this post: Last Friday, I had the pleasure of attending a beautiful wedding. My nieces teacher got married and invited us to be a part of the celebration. If you know me, then you know that I am such a sucker for love! I can’t wait to have a wedding of my own. It was a beautiful ceremony and my first Catholic wedding. I opted to wear a Red jumpsuit and white heels, as I didn’t want to be too over dressed. The weather was beautiful and the sun was shining all day. It was the perfect day to say, I do!

I hope that you all had an amazing weekend! Until next time!

XOXO,

Kimsue

   
         

Entry 041: A Little Country…A Little Rock & Roll Ft. KTR Collection

 

Motorcycle Jacket || KTR Collection Dress (Similar Styles HERE)|| Nude Pumps

Let me tell you about the designer of the dress I’m wearing…about two years ago, I stumbled upon an Instagram page of a beautiful blogger and designer by the name of KTR. I was immediately intrigued by her beauty and impeccable style! In love with her designs, I purchased my first custom piece (not this dress). The attention to detail and the femininity of her clothing is to die for! I love that she has an old Hollywood glamour feel to each and everything she designs. She always makes such exquisite clothing and I found myself coming back for more. I’ve had this dress for over one year, but never got the opportunity to wear  it until now. This is a website that you MUST visit because this dress is just the tip of the iceberg! I love when I stumble upon greatness! Because she doesn’t make a truck load of the same thing, it almost feels like it’s exclusive, but like many fashionistas, I have purchased quite a few pieces from her collection and can’t wait to purchase more! 

Thanks for stopping by! 

XO Kimsue 

   

  

 

     

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